Sticker Bliss

Sticker Bliss

Sticker Bliss Sticker Bliss

‹ Mood and status

Make love, not war. Actually, don't make love, that can lead to kids. They...
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ...no one should die alone
“True beauty is within” for example open your fridge.
It's been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your...
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Never underestimate the power of good morning texts, apologies, and random...
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked...
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
« Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve...
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational nonsense...
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing...
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it...
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no...
I miss the life I planned in my head.
When a police officer yells turn around do not respond by singing "every now...
People are so inconsiderate in this town. Some old lady got pushed and fell on...
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over him. I hope someday he finds a girl...
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined...
Relationship status: I slam on my brakes really hard so the seatbelt hugs me...
The trouble is, you think you have time.
« Forget men, I want to marry my MacBook. It’s dependable, reliable and you...
« I feel as if the entire Red Army had walked on my tongue wearing socks »
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my...
« I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!! »
« If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? »
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in...
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually...
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
« Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time. »
I'm really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone...
« Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart. »
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger...
Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life because that...
This week's challenge: look at the sky more than your phone.
« Oh Tigger, where are your manners? I don’t know, but I bet they’re having...
« It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex....
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a...
« Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. »
« My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. »
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, I'm still here.
« There is but one timidity that is common to all: we dare not openly need...
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
« Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going...
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th...
Eat what you want, when you want and as much as you want. If anyone comments...
« What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it? »
« Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without...
I’ve been lost so many times That being lost often feels like home
The phrase "Don't take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
I want to be important by being different. As everybody else.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your...
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
I've thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
« Life is short, art long, opportunity fleeting, experience treacherous,...
Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided...
There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous...
I have so much debt I could start a government
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
I’ve been lost so many times That being lost often feels like home
I don’t know what I’d do without Facebook. Probably my work.
« I want my children to have all the things I could not afford. Then I want to...
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets...
Once upon a time, there was this woman trying to work on her computer but her...
Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
I'm really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my girlfriend. Can anyone...
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
« I drink to make other people interesting. »
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I've never...
« If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. »
« The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds...
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
I'm having fruit salad for dinner, well, it's mostly grapes...crushed grapes...
Send me one more game request and I'm showing up at your house drunk, at 4am,...
« I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions. »
« The trouble is, You think you have time. »
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your...
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has...
« Time spent with cats is never wasted. »
It's hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
« I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. »
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear...
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you...
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say 'I hope he's getting...
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
« I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in...
« There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen,...
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you...
I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with...
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under...
« In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. »
Sometimes you've got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
I don't understand why people pay therapists when I'll tell them what's wrong...
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s...
« What we need is not the will to believe, but the wish to find out. »
« I don't hate people. I just feel better when they aren't around. »
« Knowledge and ability were tools, not things to show off. »
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
I'm not vain, I just think mirrors are really great!
« People think that when one thing finishes, the next starts immediately. No....
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
« You were born an original. Don’t die a copy. »
« The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...
« The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles...
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
« My ambition is handicapped by laziness »
« People’s memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive. »
If history has taught us anything, it's that reheated french fries are gross.
The people who need firecracker safety tips aren't the people who read...
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background....
I would like to thank Google for helping me when no one else did. I would...
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Starting a Beer Removal Service. If you have too much, give me a call and I'll...
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life's...
« The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. »
« Women. They are a complete mystery. »
My brain has too many tabs open.
« Humankind cannot bear much reality. »
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
« The two most important requirements for major success are: first, being in...
« Women are made to be loved, not understood. »
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating...
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have...
« When people call you photogenic, they're actually trying to tell you that...
« Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. »
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.
« It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my...
« If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? »
Squirrels in the park have more confidence in approaching people than I do.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I...
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There's no episode where a man asks a...
I'm not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your...
Wine gets better with age but I get better with wine.
« All the diversity, all the charm, and all the beauty of life are made up of...
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn't so I gave it mouth to...
« Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee And I'll forgive Thy great big one...
This year I will get the body of a god (Greek, not Buddha). Also I will...
« I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there. »
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her...
« “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That...
« Hate. It has caused a lot of problems in this world but has not solved one...
« A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice. »
« Human history is the sad result of each one looking out for himself. »
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a...
I'd like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - your work here is done.
« Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be...
« Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as...
« Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter. »
Who knows, maybe at the end of our lives we'll all live in theory.
« Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere. »
« The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and...
Women might be able to fake orgasms but men can fake a whole relationship.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
« Scars are just another kind of memory. »
« I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who...
« Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...
Switching emotions I wonder if before was Hallucinations.
It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love...
« Rather be dead than cool. »
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want...
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
When I got the key to success, someone changed the lock.
If you like someone, pretend they're a charger and you're an iPhone on 1%. Run...
I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they...
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead...
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces...
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because your fingerprints aren't in the...
« When I go into a shop I ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded...
Like an oscillating pendulum I swing Movements wild enough To make minds...
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I'd been invited...
« Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never...
« You only have what you give. It’s by spending yourself that you become...
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in...
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
« Dear me, one day I'll make you proud. »
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane,...
People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner...
« This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat. »
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to...
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
« In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in...
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive in the supermarket than I do at the...
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
« The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least I can dream. »
If no one come from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad of a...
I am NOT single. I am independently operated.
« Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper,...
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on...
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
« If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say...
When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world wondering...
« Mariage is a workshop, where husband works and wife shops. »
I wanna throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted..
« If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you. »
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a...
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone's ok with...
Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'f*ck.'...
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent...
The self-driving car should have an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button that drives you...
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking...
« You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may...
It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they...
« Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up. »
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
Googling ways to dispose of a body. Mostly to freak out the douche behind me...
If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do...
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
« I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel,...
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
My doctor told me, "DON'T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up...
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Two word’s guys hate DON’T and STOP, unless you put them together!
Skinny people are easier to kidnap. Stay safe: eat cake!
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the...
« Life is not like water. Things in life don’t necessarily flow over the...
« Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things...
« Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to...
« It's quiet now. So quiet that can almost hear other people's dreams. »
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my...
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That's what the bill is for.
« In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into...
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you're buying me...
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it's someone's...
« You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide...
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we...
« Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the...
« A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a...
« Dracula is a morning person compared to me. »
Bathing in sunlight death sitting on my shoulder whispering calm spells
« Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them with your...
How about haunting the nearest bus station at night in 1940s clothes. When...
« Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. »
« I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then...
"I need to stop," I whispered to myself as I clicked 'next episode'.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that's the strongest password I can think...
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in...
From nothingness you come To nothingness you go Maybe, that is all You need...
« Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every...
When you consider names for your baby, it's important to try out the middle...
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your...
« I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number...
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
If internet explorer is brave enough to still ask if it wants to be my default...
Pizza was my crime, the treadmill is my time.
« Facebook- to help future generations discover if there's ever been any...
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow....
« What we seek is some kind of compensation for what we put up with. »
« There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and...
With so many products being made outside of the country, its much easier to...
When in doubt, mumble.
« Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. »
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny boy inside my body. He likes cake, too.
Out of my mind Back in five minutes
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is 'keep...
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot...
I'm alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
Dear McDonalds cashier, dont give me that look. There's no age limit on a...
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous...
I believe in reincarnation. Life is like a box of chocolates, when they're...
« There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find...
What I like discussing is a perfect mix of subjects people run away from and...
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I...
Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
« I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't...
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media...
« The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made...
I'm always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking Vodka.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s...
« The last temptation is the greatest treason: to do the right deed for the...
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Anyone who claims that laughter is the best medicine has obviously never had...
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
« If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks...
« If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I...
« It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who. »
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like...
« Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I...
« If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are...
« I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is...
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means...
« If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out. »
The secret to relationships: try to make your partner happy. If you fail move...
« Never insult those who are poor or ugly. They are the reason you look rich...
It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they...
« Some people are in love with falling in love! it’s evol! »
We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
« My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. »
« Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get...
« I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it...
I changed my name in my kids phone to God...just texted them and said "I saw...
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department...
« Deserve your dream. »
« The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. »
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re...
« People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to...
I'm single by choice. Just not my choice.
« - Don't look back! - Why not? - Because I just did! Run faster! »
A woman cannot survive on champagne alone. She also needs shoes!
« It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to. »
« I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am...
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete...
I wan't you to know that someone cares. Not me, but someone.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually...
Maybe my best doesn't interest anyone.
« Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. »
Well, today was a total waste of makeup.
« Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. »
« Whatever it is you’re seeking won’t come in the form you’re expecting »
People who think I'm not a religious person should see me when the airplane...
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate...
Today I wanted to buy "Books for Dummies" for 50% off but could not figure...
« Fake it 'till you make it. »
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
« The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something...
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
« Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not. »
« Spend your money on the things money can buy. Spend your time on the things...
« Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today. » no one ever
« He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's...
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off,...
Can you grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
Single and ready to act nervous around everyone I find attractive
I'm going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I'm outstanding.
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you...
« A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real. »
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
« Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless...
« Unfortunately, the clock is ticking, the hours are going by. The past...
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can...
« An honest man is always a child. »
« Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows. »
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from...
« Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates...
You can correct people's grammar or you can have friends. But you can't do...
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The...
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally...
We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your...
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
« When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's...
« Listen up – there’s no war that will end all wars »
« Writing is like making love. Don't worry about the orgasm, just concentrate...
Practice makes perfect, But nobody’s perfect, so why practice?
« If you're sad about being alone on Valentines Day, just remember that nobody...
« When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. »
A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he...
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it's important...
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
Some people say the glass is half empty. Others say it’s half full. I’m just...
From 9am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going...
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
« When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should...
There are three kinds of people in the world, the wills, the won'ts and the...
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death...
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
« There are two words guys hate: Don't and Stop...Unless those words are...
« Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a...
« Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. »
No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
« One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. »
« Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to...
« Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing...
« Moms are the most amazing people on Earth. When you're out late, they don't...
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one...
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
There comes a time when you have to stop taking idiots for people.
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat...
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.
Sometimes my mind wanders. Other times it leaves completely.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my...
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and...
They say the route to a man's heart is through his stomach. The route to a...
Don't worry about exams! Churchill, Branson, Einsten and Buffet didn't.
Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they...
The mightiest of weapons is truth. And everyone knows you're not permitted to...
« Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. »