Sticker Bliss

Sticker Bliss

Sticker Bliss Sticker Bliss

‹ Mood and status

Make love, not war. Actually, don't make love, that can lead to kids. They...
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ...no one should die alone
“True beauty is within” for example open your fridge.
It's been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your...
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it...
People are so inconsiderate in this town. Some old lady got pushed and fell on...
Relationship status: I slam on my brakes really hard so the seatbelt hugs me...
« I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!! »
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
The trouble is, you think you have time.
« Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve...
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing...
« If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? »
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked...
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined...
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational nonsense...
« Forget men, I want to marry my MacBook. It’s dependable, reliable and you...
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no...
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over him. I hope someday he finds a girl...
When a police officer yells turn around do not respond by singing "every now...
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Never underestimate the power of good morning texts, apologies, and random...
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my...
I miss the life I planned in my head.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
« I feel as if the entire Red Army had walked on my tongue wearing socks »
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in...
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
The phrase "Don't take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
« What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it? »
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger...
« If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. »
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
« I want my children to have all the things I could not afford. Then I want to...
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
I want to be important by being different. As everybody else.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
« Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going...
I'm really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone...
I'm really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my girlfriend. Can anyone...
« I drink to make other people interesting. »
« Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time. »
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
I have so much debt I could start a government
« It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex....
Once upon a time, there was this woman trying to work on her computer but her...
Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life because that...
« There is but one timidity that is common to all: we dare not openly need...
Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
« Oh Tigger, where are your manners? I don’t know, but I bet they’re having...
Eat what you want, when you want and as much as you want. If anyone comments...
« Life is short, art long, opportunity fleeting, experience treacherous,...
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, I'm still here.
« Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart. »
« My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. »
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
I don’t know what I’d do without Facebook. Probably my work.
« Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. »
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets...
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your...
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually...
« The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds...
I’ve been lost so many times That being lost often feels like home
I’ve been lost so many times That being lost often feels like home
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th...
« Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without...
There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous...
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
I've thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
I'm having fruit salad for dinner, well, it's mostly grapes...crushed grapes...
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided...
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I've never...
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a...
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
This week's challenge: look at the sky more than your phone.
It's hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
« The trouble is, You think you have time. »
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
« Time spent with cats is never wasted. »
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your...
« I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. »
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has...
« I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions. »
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Send me one more game request and I'm showing up at your house drunk, at 4am,...
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear...
I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with...
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you...
« I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in...
Sometimes you've got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
I don't understand why people pay therapists when I'll tell them what's wrong...
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you...
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say 'I hope he's getting...
« In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. »
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under...
« There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen,...
« This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat. »
« The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and...
« Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to...
« Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. »
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow....
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it's important...
« If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say...
« A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real. »
« Whatever it is you’re seeking won’t come in the form you’re expecting »
« My ambition is handicapped by laziness »
« Humankind cannot bear much reality. »
« Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get...
« I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there. »
« Spend your money on the things money can buy. Spend your time on the things...
Single and ready to act nervous around everyone I find attractive
« If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out. »
« Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not. »
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
This year I will get the body of a god (Greek, not Buddha). Also I will...
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off,...
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s...
« I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number...
« Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee And I'll forgive Thy great big one...
« In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into...
A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he...
« There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find...
« All the diversity, all the charm, and all the beauty of life are made up of...
With so many products being made outside of the country, its much easier to...
« In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in...
I'd like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the...
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
« There are two words guys hate: Don't and Stop...Unless those words are...
Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s...
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background....
« Writing is like making love. Don't worry about the orgasm, just concentrate...
It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love...
A woman cannot survive on champagne alone. She also needs shoes!
« Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as...
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn't so I gave it mouth to...
« Hate. It has caused a lot of problems in this world but has not solved one...
« What we need is not the will to believe, but the wish to find out. »
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There's no episode where a man asks a...
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my...
« A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a...
There are three kinds of people in the world, the wills, the won'ts and the...
Starting a Beer Removal Service. If you have too much, give me a call and I'll...
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
If internet explorer is brave enough to still ask if it wants to be my default...
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny boy inside my body. He likes cake, too.
« “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That...
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat...
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means...
Googling ways to dispose of a body. Mostly to freak out the douche behind me...
We live in a world where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your...
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in...
People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner...
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from...
« I don't hate people. I just feel better when they aren't around. »
« Some people are in love with falling in love! it’s evol! »
How about haunting the nearest bus station at night in 1940s clothes. When...
I'm single by choice. Just not my choice.
Anyone who claims that laughter is the best medicine has obviously never had...
From nothingness you come To nothingness you go Maybe, that is all You need...
« If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you. »
If no one come from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad of a...
« Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. »
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want...
« If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks...
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
If history has taught us anything, it's that reheated french fries are gross.
« A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice. »
I'm alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone's ok with...
« When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. »
« Moms are the most amazing people on Earth. When you're out late, they don't...
« Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today. » no one ever
« Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. »
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
« The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
« Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. »
« The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. »
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot...
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
Bathing in sunlight death sitting on my shoulder whispering calm spells
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous...
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it's someone's...
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
« The two most important requirements for major success are: first, being in...
« Life is not like water. Things in life don’t necessarily flow over the...
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
« Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I...
« You were born an original. Don’t die a copy. »
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
Two word’s guys hate DON’T and STOP, unless you put them together!
« Fake it 'till you make it. »
« Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper,...
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in...
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we...
« When people call you photogenic, they're actually trying to tell you that...
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death...
There comes a time when you have to stop taking idiots for people.
« Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless...
The self-driving car should have an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button that drives you...
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
« Dracula is a morning person compared to me. »
« I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel,...
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
I'm not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your...
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
« When I go into a shop I ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded...
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
« Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be...
« If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are...
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally...
« The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made...
« Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things...
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
« Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing...
« I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am...
I wan't you to know that someone cares. Not me, but someone.
« The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something...
« Rather be dead than cool. »
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your...
« Knowledge and ability were tools, not things to show off. »
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a...
« Deserve your dream. »
« Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a...
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking...
Like an oscillating pendulum I swing Movements wild enough To make minds...
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my...
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually...
Some people say the glass is half empty. Others say it’s half full. I’m just...
« If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I...
If you like someone, pretend they're a charger and you're an iPhone on 1%. Run...
« There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and...
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I...
« Facebook- to help future generations discover if there's ever been any...
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
« The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. »
Today I wanted to buy "Books for Dummies" for 50% off but could not figure...
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive in the supermarket than I do at the...
Practice makes perfect, But nobody’s perfect, so why practice?
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
Pizza was my crime, the treadmill is my time.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'f*ck.'...
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like...
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That's what the bill is for.
Can you grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
« Women. They are a complete mystery. »
« Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere. »
Out of my mind Back in five minutes
« Never insult those who are poor or ugly. They are the reason you look rich...
What I like discussing is a perfect mix of subjects people run away from and...
« When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's...
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media...
« People think that when one thing finishes, the next starts immediately. No....
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete...
« Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the...
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating...
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I'd been invited...
My doctor told me, "DON'T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up...
« Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. »
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you...
« The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles...
"I need to stop," I whispered to myself as I clicked 'next episode'.
« When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should...
« People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to...
« Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up. »
I'm not vain, I just think mirrors are really great!
I'm always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking Vodka.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a...
« He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's...
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can...
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that's the strongest password I can think...
The secret to relationships: try to make your partner happy. If you fail move...
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The...
« Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never...
It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they...
Sometimes my mind wanders. Other times it leaves completely.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane,...
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead...
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
« I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who...
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate...
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
« It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my...
« Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows. »
« What we seek is some kind of compensation for what we put up with. »
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.
« I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then...
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is 'keep...
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to...
« Dear me, one day I'll make you proud. »
« My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. »
« The last temptation is the greatest treason: to do the right deed for the...
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have...
It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they...
Chaos, panic, & disorder - your work here is done.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because your fingerprints aren't in the...
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces...
« I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is...
I'm going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I'm outstanding.
When you consider names for your baby, it's important to try out the middle...
Who knows, maybe at the end of our lives we'll all live in theory.
« Unfortunately, the clock is ticking, the hours are going by. The past...
« Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. »
« People’s memories are maybe the fuel they burn to stay alive. »
« Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them with your...
« Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter. »
Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
Maybe my best doesn't interest anyone.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you're buying me...
« Women are made to be loved, not understood. »
« If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? »
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.
When in doubt, mumble.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
« I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't...
I changed my name in my kids phone to God...just texted them and said "I saw...
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department...
I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
« Scars are just another kind of memory. »
I am NOT single. I am independently operated.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
« I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it...
« Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...
From 9am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going...
Switching emotions I wonder if before was Hallucinations.
« It's quiet now. So quiet that can almost hear other people's dreams. »
« You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may...
« If you're sad about being alone on Valentines Day, just remember that nobody...
The people who need firecracker safety tips aren't the people who read...
When I got the key to success, someone changed the lock.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one...
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
« An honest man is always a child. »
« - Don't look back! - Why not? - Because I just did! Run faster! »
I would like to thank Google for helping me when no one else did. I would...
« You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide...
« It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to. »
« It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who. »
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
Wine gets better with age but I get better with wine.
« The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least I can dream. »
« You only have what you give. It’s by spending yourself that you become...
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re...
We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
Squirrels in the park have more confidence in approaching people than I do.
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her...
« Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every...
When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world wondering...
Dear McDonalds cashier, dont give me that look. There's no age limit on a...
« Mariage is a workshop, where husband works and wife shops. »
« Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to...
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent...
« Human history is the sad result of each one looking out for himself. »
Skinny people are easier to kidnap. Stay safe: eat cake!
No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they...
Women might be able to fake orgasms but men can fake a whole relationship.
You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do...
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
You can correct people's grammar or you can have friends. But you can't do...
I believe in reincarnation. Life is like a box of chocolates, when they're...
I wanna throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted..
People who think I'm not a religious person should see me when the airplane...
« One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. »
Well, today was a total waste of makeup.
« Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates...
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
My brain has too many tabs open.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I...
« Listen up – there’s no war that will end all wars »
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life's...
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on...
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and...
« Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. »
Don't worry about exams! Churchill, Branson, Einsten and Buffet didn't.
They say the route to a man's heart is through his stomach. The route to a...
The mightiest of weapons is truth. And everyone knows you're not permitted to...
Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they...